Oh The[a] Drama.

Just for the record....


SNOW DAY!!!!!!!

Love you WMU :)

 I wish I could lay in bed with Dan all day.
And make dinner, watch TV, drink, sleep, laugh...
I wish I could wake up every morning and see his face, feel him there.

:(

Well hello there!

Long time no post.

Life is good. I'm terrified of the swine. I love Dan & we're back together but shh.. it's a secret :)
Yes, I had sex with Tyler & it was alright but eh. Not really worth it. And I think Evan still has a teeny crush on me.
Oh, college. 

 I had sex... with a boy who's name isn't Dan.
But I thought about Dan the whole time.


My life is a mess.

EDIT: Gulliver & I are no longer friends.... and I don't give a fuck. LATES.

Oh for FUCKS SAKE.
Why can't he just disappear so I don't have to love him anymore?
So I can forget about his blue eyes, or his smile, or the way he only gives me that look he gives me?


Or the fact that he said (drunkenly) that I was the girl of his dreams?
OH FUCK YOU!

 I would really REALLY like to know why I miss him so much.
Seriously, can someone tell me?
My friend says it's because I miss the comfort....
But I don't really think that's it...

I miss his personality, his smile, his laugh, his arms and his eyes.

And it sucks that he's not thinking about me one bit..
Not even for a fucking second.

WHY. ME.

 LOL. The 5th & final breakup.
We all knew it was going to happen.

He's an idiot. And one day he'll realize that.
But it'll be too late.

 This has not been a good month in any aspect of my life...

Fuck.

I wonder why I'm so jealous.
Is it because I'm not confident enough? That I don't believe in myself? That I don't trust?
How does one remedy this?

 I want to move to Chicago. I don't care about anyone or anything here.
LITERALLY NOTHING. Especially since my dad is moving 20,000 miles away.
What the fuck do I care about Farmington Hills, Michigan?

Funny thing is... I don't.

 I love my Dan :)

Dan comes home on Friday.
I think he's going to ask for us to be officially together again...
Hmm..
I mean I'm going to say yes for sure. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. We'll see how it goes.

Went to KZoo last night & it was just drama, drama, drama. I left 3 hours later because I couldn't stand to be there for one more second with any of those people.

Still job hunting! Hopefully I get one soon :)

Remember when Dan isn't going to Arizona this summer? Remember when he'll be living 5 minutes away from me like he always has? Remember when we're basically in love again?
Remember when I didn't know if I want it to be like this? Fuck.

OH YEAH AND REMEMBER WHEN MY DAD TOLD ME I HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY PSYCHO CUNT OF A MOTHER WHILE HE MOVES TO LEBANON ON JUNE 28TH? FUCK YOU. NOT HAPPENING.

That's all the remember when's I have for tonight.

I like a boy.
Whose name isn't Dan.

Hooray :)

Exactly a year ago, I was sitting in my dorm room wishing my life would end because airband/greek week was taking over my life. Actually, I was probably at SigEp practicing my ass off.

But it paid off, didn't it?

This year, I was in charge of Yell Like Hell & I'm pretty sure I did a damn good job.
I quit airband because I just can't handle people yelling for no reason, but I still look at all of them and see me last year. So happy, so fulfilled, so ecstatic to be on stage and be myself. I kinda miss it and at the same time, my life is so different. I've changed so much. While I used to love the spotlight, I now like being in charge of directing the spotlight. I'm more of a leader than a follower. I'm less judgemental, less hypocritical and a little more stubborn. And I absolutely love it the way it is now.

I think I've grown for the better. And once again, every year, Greek Week changes you. Your ideals, your way of thinking. You realize you're a little more of who you're supposed to be.

I just wish he were here to see it.

He will always love me.
He will always think of me.
He will never look at a girl the same way he looks at me.
He will never feel the same way about another girl.

He knows that & I know that.

So..
Why are guys such idiots?

Can't wait to hookup with the guy I cheated on him with when we were 16.

Yeah. Fuck you.

Why do I miss him so much?

"This is a dream, but remember how you feel about me when you wake up."
"I will."

We broke up...
and its for the better.

I need to experience more..
We both need to grow.

Every single time we get back together, it's a learning experience
and I'm glad for that.

Maybe one day will be the perfect time for each other.
But that time isn't now

:)